Turning the Tables
It has been one hell of a year.
Well, it was an exaggeration of course......
I was 29, going on 30.
Somehow, I was burned out, frustrated, depressed.
I just needed a full 360-degree turn. Or maybe two.
I was working for 17-20 hours a day. Though I had a really good position at work, long hours of working didn't give me much life to live.
I woke up one day my aunt, who took care of me, gone without me seeing her for a few months. Then my dad gone after 8 months, without me by his side. All these because I was away from home--working my butt out.
It took me a few months to finally send this application to apply for a position in Japan.
Kind of ironic, right?
Why Japan?
Why far away from my family? When in fact, I missed a lot back home because of work.
Silly?
Hold your horses! There's more.
The job opening was far from the jobs I've done. For 9 years, I was either a trainer, a project coordinator for materials and course development, or a manager. Although while doing all these, I never did give up teaching even for a short time. But this time, it would be much, much different--an assistant language teacher.
So, November 29th was the day I left home for Japan. The flight was about 3 hours and 40 minutes, and without any exaggeration, I was on board crying the whole time! The food tasted unbelievably salty 'coz I could only taste the tears. (Talking about drama!)
I was not prepared at all.
Before leaving the country, I was at my nadir. All my investments were down. I must admit though, because I was earning so much, I didn't take care of my finances. I actually didn't manage my own finances and trusted someone with it. Unfortunately, things didn't go so well.
I took the heart to leave the country with nothing. My heart, my mind, my self---all of them I left back home.
Getting here, I had to unlearn what I've learned, 'unexperience' what I've experienced and just unload everything in me.
I felt so bare-naked. I've never felt so unarmed in my entire life.
What to do when you've always entered battles you know you've always got the upper hand and now, you're simply 'nothing'?
Please don't get me wrong. Japan is the best country I can ever think of. I admire its culture, its tourist spots, its government and its people. It's just that, it said, "Hello, Stranger!"
I was never good with people. (Of course, with my family and friends, I'm the craziest girl around.) I had my way with them because of my position in the office, and basically my workplace in the Philippines was my territory. But now,...
"How do I greet them?"
"What if they didn't like me?"
"What if I do this incorrectly?"
All those what if's and how's... All those worries just keep popping out. Dang! Head in pure distress!
Back home, I didn't cook, I didn't clean the house. I didn't do the laundry or press my clothes. I didn't have to worry about what to wear. I didn't have to think of due dates of bills because somebody organized all of them for me. I had coffee on my desk whenever I needed (and even if I didn't need) one. Even my pack of cigarette was well-prepared whenever I needed a smoke.
More so, I woke up with either my bestfriends or my family by my side. And before going to sleep, I used to have silly conversations with them.. We had snuggling time.. Sweet kisses and hugs and cuddles, and even punches or wrestles.
All of them gone in a blink of an eye.
So, where do I start? Where do I go from here?
Did I make the right decision?
Or did I mess things up?
It has been a year and two months since I came here.
My world was turned upside down.
Although in giving things a second look, I may still find a glitter somewhere there. At least I hope there's a faint spark yonder.
Everything may seem a little off right now, I know deep down, I made the right decision.
I may wake up with no one by my side and no one to talk to, but I know something good is going to come out of it.
I am still having trouble organizing stuff at my place, but I know, things will fall into places.
I am having a hard time making friends---well, it didn't surprise me. I was never good at making one. But I know, someday, I will find people to snuggle... :)
My move here to Japan was indeed a turn of table.
It was, and still is, a very HUMBLING experience. And I am now READY to embrace it.
I have seen a lot of good places here. I have experienced wonderful things that only Japan can offer, and for that, I will always be grateful.
I may have looked at them before with my other eye squinted, which I whole-heartedly regret, but looking back I know I am blessed and that their awesomeness is immeasurable.
So, bring it on, Japan!
I am now ready for you!
*************************************************************
By the way, would like to grab this chance to thank these people who became a huge part of my first year of rollercoaster ride in Japan.
Monica (and your son, George), Candy ( and the two kiddos, Kiki and Sarah---who I love spending time with at the park), Junko, Kigari-san, Kumi(and your husband, the twins and Keita) and Tora.. I do appreciate your loyalty and friendship. You may not be my students anymore, but you remained my friends. Thank you that even though you're almost always busy, you still spent some time with me. It's also such an honor that you introduced and welcomed me to your families. Thank you very much.
Teacher Armi, thank you for being so patient with me and for being like a mom. I always enjoy my bus trips and our drive to Mikage. Haha! Thank you for the food! Thank you for adopting me last New Year's Day. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for making me feel at home... I appreciate father, Akito and Sayori so much, too. Salamat, Teacher Armi...
To the teachers and the vice-principals at the schools where I work. I appreciate every short conversation you initiated. I really do.
Kikuchihara-sensei.. I do appreciate your presence so much. You have this kind of energy that brings people around you to a certain kind of joy and enjoyment. Your cheery personality is really refreshing. Also, I've seen you as a very affectionate and warm person. You're the closest to the Philippines that I can get when it comes to warmth and affection. I know I have caused you so much trouble in the previous parties we had, and I'm truly sorry for that. But I want you to know that I appreciate that you took good care of me. Lastly, you're the only Japanese whom I can be really comfortable with. Thank you, Yuko..
Nomura-sensei.. You're not just an eigo tantou, but you've been a friend. I was able to tell you so much of my life in the Philippines, a lot of heartaches and dramas as I was going through them. Thank you for patiently listening. I also cannot thank you enough for all the thoughts, the stories, and the lunch and dinners we shared. I learned a lot from you, and I hope you know I respect you. Thank you for always showing interest in everything. And for always picking my mind about things. Thank you for bringing me into the school and making me a part of it. I actually don't know how my life would be like at school without you. Thank you, Nomura-sensei..
Mama and Noemi, and of course, my long time friend Yuko. Thank you for considering me as a part of your family. I cannot thank you enough for taking good care of me. You introduced me to a kind of world I didn't expect I would get into. I cherish your friendship so much. I hope you know that...
And to my family.. I may be far away from home, but I am truly blessed because you have exerted so much effort to make me feel so loved..... I love you to the moon and back... and beyond..... I miss you soooo.....
There may be no hugs and kisses for me today, but I am truly grateful.. God bless us all...
Well, it was an exaggeration of course......
I was 29, going on 30.
Somehow, I was burned out, frustrated, depressed.
I just needed a full 360-degree turn. Or maybe two.
I was working for 17-20 hours a day. Though I had a really good position at work, long hours of working didn't give me much life to live.
I woke up one day my aunt, who took care of me, gone without me seeing her for a few months. Then my dad gone after 8 months, without me by his side. All these because I was away from home--working my butt out.
It took me a few months to finally send this application to apply for a position in Japan.
Kind of ironic, right?
Why Japan?
Why far away from my family? When in fact, I missed a lot back home because of work.
Silly?
Hold your horses! There's more.
The job opening was far from the jobs I've done. For 9 years, I was either a trainer, a project coordinator for materials and course development, or a manager. Although while doing all these, I never did give up teaching even for a short time. But this time, it would be much, much different--an assistant language teacher.
So, November 29th was the day I left home for Japan. The flight was about 3 hours and 40 minutes, and without any exaggeration, I was on board crying the whole time! The food tasted unbelievably salty 'coz I could only taste the tears. (Talking about drama!)
I was not prepared at all.
Before leaving the country, I was at my nadir. All my investments were down. I must admit though, because I was earning so much, I didn't take care of my finances. I actually didn't manage my own finances and trusted someone with it. Unfortunately, things didn't go so well.
I took the heart to leave the country with nothing. My heart, my mind, my self---all of them I left back home.
Getting here, I had to unlearn what I've learned, 'unexperience' what I've experienced and just unload everything in me.
I felt so bare-naked. I've never felt so unarmed in my entire life.
What to do when you've always entered battles you know you've always got the upper hand and now, you're simply 'nothing'?
Please don't get me wrong. Japan is the best country I can ever think of. I admire its culture, its tourist spots, its government and its people. It's just that, it said, "Hello, Stranger!"
I was never good with people. (Of course, with my family and friends, I'm the craziest girl around.) I had my way with them because of my position in the office, and basically my workplace in the Philippines was my territory. But now,...
"How do I greet them?"
"What if they didn't like me?"
"What if I do this incorrectly?"
All those what if's and how's... All those worries just keep popping out. Dang! Head in pure distress!
Back home, I didn't cook, I didn't clean the house. I didn't do the laundry or press my clothes. I didn't have to worry about what to wear. I didn't have to think of due dates of bills because somebody organized all of them for me. I had coffee on my desk whenever I needed (and even if I didn't need) one. Even my pack of cigarette was well-prepared whenever I needed a smoke.
More so, I woke up with either my bestfriends or my family by my side. And before going to sleep, I used to have silly conversations with them.. We had snuggling time.. Sweet kisses and hugs and cuddles, and even punches or wrestles.
All of them gone in a blink of an eye.
So, where do I start? Where do I go from here?
Did I make the right decision?
Or did I mess things up?
It has been a year and two months since I came here.
My world was turned upside down.
Although in giving things a second look, I may still find a glitter somewhere there. At least I hope there's a faint spark yonder.
Everything may seem a little off right now, I know deep down, I made the right decision.
I may wake up with no one by my side and no one to talk to, but I know something good is going to come out of it.
I am still having trouble organizing stuff at my place, but I know, things will fall into places.
I am having a hard time making friends---well, it didn't surprise me. I was never good at making one. But I know, someday, I will find people to snuggle... :)
My move here to Japan was indeed a turn of table.
It was, and still is, a very HUMBLING experience. And I am now READY to embrace it.
I have seen a lot of good places here. I have experienced wonderful things that only Japan can offer, and for that, I will always be grateful.
I may have looked at them before with my other eye squinted, which I whole-heartedly regret, but looking back I know I am blessed and that their awesomeness is immeasurable.
So, bring it on, Japan!
I am now ready for you!
*************************************************************
By the way, would like to grab this chance to thank these people who became a huge part of my first year of rollercoaster ride in Japan.
Monica (and your son, George), Candy ( and the two kiddos, Kiki and Sarah---who I love spending time with at the park), Junko, Kigari-san, Kumi(and your husband, the twins and Keita) and Tora.. I do appreciate your loyalty and friendship. You may not be my students anymore, but you remained my friends. Thank you that even though you're almost always busy, you still spent some time with me. It's also such an honor that you introduced and welcomed me to your families. Thank you very much.
Teacher Armi, thank you for being so patient with me and for being like a mom. I always enjoy my bus trips and our drive to Mikage. Haha! Thank you for the food! Thank you for adopting me last New Year's Day. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for making me feel at home... I appreciate father, Akito and Sayori so much, too. Salamat, Teacher Armi...
To the teachers and the vice-principals at the schools where I work. I appreciate every short conversation you initiated. I really do.
Kikuchihara-sensei.. I do appreciate your presence so much. You have this kind of energy that brings people around you to a certain kind of joy and enjoyment. Your cheery personality is really refreshing. Also, I've seen you as a very affectionate and warm person. You're the closest to the Philippines that I can get when it comes to warmth and affection. I know I have caused you so much trouble in the previous parties we had, and I'm truly sorry for that. But I want you to know that I appreciate that you took good care of me. Lastly, you're the only Japanese whom I can be really comfortable with. Thank you, Yuko..
Nomura-sensei.. You're not just an eigo tantou, but you've been a friend. I was able to tell you so much of my life in the Philippines, a lot of heartaches and dramas as I was going through them. Thank you for patiently listening. I also cannot thank you enough for all the thoughts, the stories, and the lunch and dinners we shared. I learned a lot from you, and I hope you know I respect you. Thank you for always showing interest in everything. And for always picking my mind about things. Thank you for bringing me into the school and making me a part of it. I actually don't know how my life would be like at school without you. Thank you, Nomura-sensei..
Mama and Noemi, and of course, my long time friend Yuko. Thank you for considering me as a part of your family. I cannot thank you enough for taking good care of me. You introduced me to a kind of world I didn't expect I would get into. I cherish your friendship so much. I hope you know that...
And to my family.. I may be far away from home, but I am truly blessed because you have exerted so much effort to make me feel so loved..... I love you to the moon and back... and beyond..... I miss you soooo.....
There may be no hugs and kisses for me today, but I am truly grateful.. God bless us all...
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