Not Straight

I am pansexual. I’m not going to give you its lexical meaning but my definition of that is, I fall for one’s soul regardless of his/her gender.

Most of the time, my sexual preference doesn’t bother me a lot because I have this certain belief that my sexuality or my preference is irrelevant in my daily life. And I strongly stand by this. It is only relevant if and only if I fall in love with someone of the same sex.

What we go through...

1. When someone finds out you are not ‘cis’, their initial reaction is to stay away from you. Why? Because people have this tendency that if you’re not straight, they would assume that you’re lusting over them or you have an ulterior motive when you’re being so nice and sweet to them. Please, even with heterosexuals, we don’t fall for every specie. 

2. We live a double life, like those spies, double agents or CIA agents we see in movies. We have secret social media accounts where we can be whoever we want to be and mingle with people (at least through the internet) who understand and of the same league. Not to mention all the videos, movies and songs that we hide because duh, people might just think it's creepy and all.

3. We live in constant fear of being judged and frowned upon—and worse so, of being called a ‘disgrace’ to our family. Because honestly, no matter how good of a person you are, or how much respect you’ve gained from people, a certain word that is synonymous to ‘gay’ can ruin it all. That single word can literally shatter your world.

4. Coming out is an endless pursuit. It can be exhausting, draining and most of all, anxiety-filled experience. And believe me, you have to do it over and over and over again. And then after every coming out, there’s fear.. then more fear.. and then some more.

5. If you’re having a hard time accepting who we are, don’t worry, because we also had a hard time accepting ‘ourselves’. Maybe even a thousand times more difficult.

What I (personally) want you to know...

If you are straight, you are lucky because you don’t have to battle inner struggles of trying to be normal. And that you need not fight for your place in the society without persecution, discrimination or at least, a brow raised.

If you do not understand and cannot accept (yet), please know that we are no different. Our sexual preference is a tiny part of our very selves. Please don’t let our sexual preference overshadow how we are as a part of the community, of our workplace, of our Church and of the Earth. Aside from not being straight, we may also be a friend, a teacher, a doctor, a child, a parent, a soldier, an athlete, a dreamer, a giver, and all that jazz and what-not.

If you are someone we’re comfortable with, someone whom we can be touchy with and cry or laugh with, know that we are coming out to you and that we are  entrusting you OUR truth because you have earned our trust. Might I just say, it takes a lot of trust to do this.

If you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or pansexual , trust me, I do understand the urge to fight for our happiness and for our place in this world. But from my very core, I also know that it should also be done with gentleness, kindness and without bitterness. There is always an appropriate approach, appropriate time and an appropriate dialogue.

I know that it can sometimes be gruelling, depressing and frustrating. Sometimes we even reach that point of certain anguish towards other people, most especially towards the people we care about the most. But as much as we ask for their understanding and acceptance, we also need to to give them the understanding that we seek... and patience. It is not easy because it is not what they think is acceptable basically because they grew up with certain beliefs and a certain definition of normalcy. And I hate to break this to you honey and you might think the opposite, but the way we live our lives and our choices have direct impact on them. And we must learn to accept that.

Pride month is a good way to celebrate our true selves and our freedom, and to fight for it, but may our words not speak of frustrations or bring about any negativity towards other people who still cannot accept. May it not trigger hatred towards those who can’t raise our rainbow-colored flags with us, and even those who condemn us.

Honestly, I wish for that day to come that we won’t be needing ‘Pride Month’. Pride Month exists because it is our way of fighting for our very existence without persecution. And I wish for that day to come that our sexual preference won’t matter anymore.

I may be pansexual, you may be bi, gay, lesbian, trans, or cis and straight as anybody can be, but one thing I’m sure of is that we all fall under the same category—we are all HUMAN BEINGS. And all we need to do is love, and to spread love, compassion and kindness.