... just off the top of my head ...

It has been a while. I've lost count of the years I didn't pick up a pen, or open a notepad to write. I have since avoided silence. Silence scared me to death. That's the time I can clearly hear my head screaming of thoughts I can never blurt out. These thoughts were more than scary. They were, and still are, threatening. How do you manage random thoughts, unanswerable questions, undefined feelings and uncontrollable emotions? How do you address each rant of the mind? How do you make sense of all these? Or, how do you make them go away? Right now, I just realized I am writing three things at the same time. One is about writing, the other one is about smoking--or quitting, and the last one is about---well, love. I feel like I'm starting to be loopy, or looney, whichever way you want to put it. They aren't that different anyway. It just feels so surreal having to be in touch with my mind again. Although I'm sure none of you cares. See? That, ma...

The past years? Nothing but work, alcohol and sticks of cigar. One stick after another, after another, after another, and it went on and on and on.. It was with so much difficulty, and of course a heavy heart, that I had to give up smoking for my job application. From two to three packs of cigarette a day, I had to totally let go of it because my lungs should be stain free for me to get this job. I was proud---Oh so proud! I kept telling my friends, who were still smokers at that time, that I've been smoke free for three LONG months! Guess what? While writing this, I am currently having my second stick after having one a couple of minutes ago. Lame! So it's true. Quitting is never so easy. It's like breaking up with the guy you love, but you end up snuggling him all over again. It's like depriving yourself of a bag for a month, but you end up buying two the next month. I started smoking when I was 12. Of course it was kept private. N...

It has been one hell of a year. Well, it was an exaggeration of course...... I was 29, going on 30. Somehow, I was burned out, frustrated, depressed. I just needed a full 360-degree turn. Or maybe two. I was working for 17-20 hours a day. Though I had a really good position at work, long hours of working didn't give me much life to live. I woke up one day my aunt, who took care of me, gone without me seeing her for a few months. Then my dad gone after 8 months, without me by his side. All these because I was away from home--working my butt out. It took me a few months to finally send this application to apply for a position in Japan. Kind of ironic, right? Why Japan? Why far away from my family? When in fact, I missed a lot back home because of work. Silly? Hold your horses! There's more. The job opening was far from the jobs I've done. For 9 years, I was either a trainer, a project coordinator for materials and course development, or a manager. Al...